A daytrip to Luxembourg city

Wednesday, 5th of October. I slept until 10 A.M. and some minutes after waking up Pierre knocked on my door. When having breakfast he suggested to spend the day in Luxembourg, we would take the car and later pick up Jordane, who is working in this town. When sitting in the car I felt strange, somehow like a bad headache, but before the pain comes. My neck muscles were totally hard, I felt completely tired all of sudden. Because of additional noise and light hypersensitivity it could have been a migraine, so I took some medicine against that. But it wasn't really better when we started walking, so I asked for a coffee break and this really helped. We just sat and relaxed for a while and I tried two different types of coffee drink and after that I felt definitely better, so much better, that it was also distinctly and visibly for Pierre, because he mentioned that I seemed to be much more alive and also had a smile in the face and some glance in the eyes.

Luxembourg is really nice, it has lots of green, and the historic part is exiting. To me it was great discovering, I found lots of curious sights – I took many photos. And it was also fun to talk with Pierre. He told a lot about history when showing interesting places. When talking about favourite films and music we had also some excursuses about European culture and music theory – mainly the movies were much more a way to talk about things that were meaningful to us, no topic for small talk. And it really felt good to discover that we had lots in common, so I was and still are very lucky to meet him and also Jordane. When being altogether we went on having good talk on a personal level. I loved the anecdote, when a female friend of Jordane, whom she told they now would have their first couchsurfer and that it would be a woman, asked her, if she wouldn't be frightened that this woman could steal her husband.

Later we made some music together. Although both said they're just learners, both know a lot about music and also have extremely good equipment. Jordane is doing drums and Pierre is playing the guitar, and when he started to play it was really impressive – thereafter I first felt to shy to start myself. While to me the guitar is a way to accompany my singing, Pierre is able to play amazing turns and melodies, and he knows several styles – his sleight of hand is on a level I can only dream about. Curiously Pierre himself was impressed of my strumming technique and had problems to copy or do ordinary accord sequences. That's strange to me, but maybe it shows that it's just a question of practice – I definitely want to work on my guitar play and extend my abilities. It would be great to go on with music exchange (and of course exchange at all!) and I'm highly motivated to go on with learning from the guitar book I already have.

To me meeting Pierre and Jordane was very special and the best last hosts one could wish – just the right thing for the end of my trip.

Not my day (but in the end it became much more better)

Tuesday, 4th of October. This wasn't my day. I felt nervous from the moment I woke up, I have had crazy, unpleasant dreams, I felt somehow confused. I only wanted to go on my bike as soon as possible, but somehow this didn't work. I couldn't find my map about this day's stage, so Ben printed some maps from the internet but we had a misunderstanding, so these maps were mostly useless for me. When starting to pack my bike I discovered my carrier now totally cark it – not only more than one assembly seam were free, also the main frame was broken at the position where the pannier used to hang up. We tried to make an improvisational repairing. But nevertheless now it was no longer static. Next I discovered I had lost some air in my back wheel. So what to do? Just use the air pump and see how long this would work or stay and search if there's a hole in the tube? I decided to push one's luck and it lasted for four kilometres until my wheel suddenly was flat. During reparation I found an old patch loosened. I decided to do it the easy way and just change the tube.

Going on with cycling I followed an asphalt track which leaded into a non asphaltic track through a forest. Hard ground but all of it bumps and potholes. Anything from comfortable cycling. I was really annoyed. Then the road became crazy – no straight forward, but lots of turns and windings in every direction. I had asked some people I met where this road would lead to and they named the village I was looking for, but they really should have told me that it wouldn't be a straight way. To me it felt like cycling in circles. Once I followed a branch path, because I could see the end of the forest, but at its end there was only a field, locked with a wire fence, non passable. So next thing I tried was following a dirt track parallel to the field with my bike – dirt track means sparsely grown forests one can tell tractors had driven along in earlier times. Of course I wasn't able to cycle. I stumped to the ground, overgrown with bramble springs, and tried not to get caught in these mantraps. Nevertheless my legs had lots of stitches and scratches after that. After getting over the second blown down tree and still no chance to leave the forest I gave up and went back, went on following the winding road wherever it would lead me to. When it came to an end after some more kilometres and I could also see the village from where I would knew my route, it became cold, windy and cloudy. I wouldn't had been surprised if some rain had come next, it would had fit to the day. Surprisingly the rain hold off.

Größere Kartenansicht

• A) start
• B) flat tyre
• C) met people who said, the road would lead to Ville-en-Woëvre
• D) followed branch path, then tried to follow a dirt track parallel to the field for maybe 500 metres, then returned
• E) reached Ville-en-Woëvre to follow D 908 road – no more experiments!

It was 12 o'clock when I thought I would go on my bike, 1 o'clock when I finally had done the check up, decided to go on and had done the package (funny thing was that thereby I found my missing map), 2 o'clock when I had repaired my wheel, 3 o'clock when I was back on my route (and so far I had cycled maybe 15 kilometres). I had planed to arrive at today's hosts' home at 6 o'clock, and today's stage was also planed as a short and easy one with only 80 kilometres. I worried about this failing time schedule, I was looking forward to meet Pierre and Jordane since yesterday, they were looking forward to meet me, and now I would arrive probably very late so we wouldn't have much time together – stupid thing.

Also the problems with my bike became more serious. When I was back on the normal road I noticed a regularly bumming caused by my back wheel, with every rotation it gave me hitches – definitely no comfortable way to cycle and also much more cumbersome than it would have been with a ideal bike, but I would go on like this – with the decision on my mind, that this would be my last stage. After this I only would do the distance to the next train station in Germany. 4,000 kilometres in total would be definitely enough.

Still it wasn't easy to make a phone call. Close to 6 P.M. I found an ability in a bakery where I bought a piece of cheese cake (my first cheese cake since I left Germany!), as Pierre and Jordane expected me by this time – they had also pronounced some meal… But I could only reach the mailbox. It became night cycling and around 9 P.M. I finally arrived. It had been 95 kilometres.

Pierre was glad to see me, he had worried about me – my call hadn't arrived, later we assumed I must have had dialled a wrong number – he actually have had a look on my website, had found my phone number there and had called Klaus, who becalmed him, that I surely just would have some problems with the bike, but would soon or later arrive. I felt really moved about so much care. From the very first moment – already in they way they had answered my request – these people seemed to be so open and warm.

Most important thing to me this evening: For the second time in period I met people, who had decided not to define themselves about work. Pierre had quitted one and a half year ago when feeling constantly uncomfortable with the social relationships in his company. Nevertheless he's doing lots of things. He's an inspiring photographer – nothing one can live from, but a good thing to spend time with. It doesn't seem to be so impossible – even if society declared it to be unthinkable to have other plans and concepts for life then just go to work until getting retired. And it was good to hear that others also knew respectively had felt the social pressure, that one have to work – when visiting some relatives, Pierres mother took him by the side and whispered: “Don't tell you're not working – they wouldn't understand!” All these people, Pierre and Jordane as less as Ben, don't want to life on others and they all have to care about how to get some money for living, but there seams to be much more freedom to live different, as one would think.

It gave me such a good feeling to talk with Pierre and Jordane, I felt so good and welcome, so I suggested to stay for one more night, and both were glad about it. So in the end there was no loss caused by arriving so late.

Douaumont ossuary close to Verdun

Monday, 3th of October. I stayed for two nights at Bens place. Ben lives in a very nice house. When arriving in the night we mainly said hello, and after a shower and a meal I went to bed. But next day, a Monday, we spend the whole day together, starting with a very intense talk.

Ben told, he quitted work three years ago, so I became sensitive and wanted to hear more. The meaning of work in people's life was and still is an important topic for me. Ben was so relaxed when talking about a different value system: staying at home gives him and also his family – he has a sixteen year old daughter and a wife – so much more freedom. They now have less money but they also need less. There was no need to go on doing things he didn't want to do. To me it's still new, that one can change priorities. I still have all these „You are what you own “ phrases in my head (what I never believed but what seem to infect me more then I was aware). To me it was kind of apparentness to met someone who's happy with not working after I found out about my bequeathed inferiority complex. It's probably possible to do so without feeling guilty.

I told Ben about the changing in my life – quitting my job at university and maybe quitting work at all. When telling all the aspects why I no longer felt comfortable in doing my job I was a little bit shocked because it's so much what came together that it's actually no wonder I'm not able to go on. Looking from this side on the facts was kind of new, usually I prone to think that's my fault to be over-sensitive and not able to be factual and distance myself. It's still hard not to judge myself but take my feelings as a healthy reaction.

It was a very good talk, but after it I felt pretty exhausted and talking came to an end for now. It was a bright sunshiny day. Later we drove by car to Verdun and I got a feeling about the area I had cycled through in the night. Ben told a lot about history especially the battles in the first and second world war. We visited Douaumont ossuary close to Verdun, a memorial containing the remains of soldiers who died on the battlefield during the Battle of Verdun in first World War. In front of the monument lies the largest single French military cemetery of the first world war, it contains 16,142 graves.

Some years ago there were made graves for the Muslims which now face to Mecca. But the most curious experience was that there were lot of crosses pulled up the ground and lying there like a trenched field. Because the crosses are made of concrete they have to rebuild regularly.

Ben also showed me the little windows behind the ossuary, placed under the big red ones which symbolize all the blood. Beneath you can see all the human bones, the remains of both French and German soldiers who died on the battlefield. Some of the cave rooms, each representing an area, were full to the top.

A place to rest where one can be

Tuesday, 13th of September. Today is the first day where I feel generally okay again. I woke up early, awake, also it was sunny outside(!). The last days I felt terrible, was just down, ate all the time, felt exhausted, tired, flabby. Originally I had planed to stay for one night at Melanie's place but she offered me to stay as long as I want, so I'm still here, waiting for the storm to go away. And indeed, since this day it seems to become better. Thursday I will go on up to Castlebar, visiting my next host John, to whom I had contact from time to time as he was one of the people who said me welcome from the random request I made in Margate. So I'm looking forward to meet him finally. I also hope to see my towel again, that Allan has hopefully send early enough to his adress…

I think I wasn't a good couchsurfer the last days – one who is an enrichment for the others. I just felt down, depressed, bushed, cried a lot for no reason when I was alone. I was quiet, felt to be awkward. Just a boring person who's vegging out – most of the time in front of the computer. But this doesn't seem to bother Melanie. Her two boys are also just lovely – smart and sprightly. Melanie is doing a real good job as a mother. We had some very good talks, I took along what I could from her life story and once again about the question how to be happy without fulfilling society's requirements (and I still don't understand why this is rooted so deep inside of me…). I hope I could give a little bit back when teaching her some easy but impressive tricks on the guitar. And I hope she recognized how good all this did to me. Many thanks and much love. I'm still learning.

A new landscape – but this can't help

Saturday, 10th of September. I left Galway with the feeling of escaping. I couldn't open my heart and my soul to the maybe or probably existing nice side of this town. To me it's just a symbol how fragile my world is. I first had to regenerate. But cycling the R 336 along the coast wasn't much better, it felt boring and soulless. One interesting thing was this so called craft village, very commercial and touristic but if it works, fair enough.

Once again I felt weary and couldn't really find into the cycling. But my edging of light was Melanie, my next host, who had answered so fast and nice to my request I sent from Aille River Hostel, that I knew this would be a warm and friendly place. When I left the straight way to west the landscape began to change, what was good. It also was very windy. This morning I had said to myself: Wind is okay but please no rain again, and so it came. I had sunny times, clouds and some more or less misty rain but nothing what sob you. But this day I had to learn, that it's much more easier to resist the rain than the wind if you are in it all the time.

When coming to Derryrush I decided not to cycle along the coast of the peninsula but to use a small road, because although it would be enough kilometres this day, I didn't trust the coast in this area and the wind had started to change into storm. This asphaltic path I now cycled was just like lost in the wide and power of nature. Those things frightened me, it's this Into the wild feeling. It's just too big, too powerful. It was an intense experience. In this area called Connemara Ireland has lost all it's green and remembered me much more of a mixture of Kansas (or what I think Kansas would be or once was or still is in The Wizard of Oz) and the German Lüneburg Heath than Ireland.

This storm was so intense! The only good thing or in one way good thing was that it changed constantly his direction, so not really a bad problem with adverse winds, but all this power all the time! Crosswind where one could and had to lean against. For a short time sometimes following wind, but the main experience was just all this power, and it was so loud, too, because the wind made lots sound with my rain coat. It's exhausting in a weird way, because the struggle isn't so much in the muscles when it makes no difference if you stay or move. But it's just hard to exist.

The Connemara ground is basically turf. Many of the residents continue to cut turf for use in heating their homes during the long winter months. So you can see lots of little ditches which were formed by the cutting. You see also many places were the turf is placed to dry. And surely you have the turf smell all around you. As I said, rather interesting, but this day I could only know but not feel this. To me everything became apathetically this day.

After 80 kilometres I start to feel bad and exhausted, I had enough sweety and fruity eating with me, but my body wanted something salty and savoury. I wasn't in an area with much population, yes, some houses combined to a village, but no shops or restaurants, and I was also looking forward to get some warm and tasty meal at Melanie's place. So I decided to go on – carefully but straight. Once again I didn't cycle along the coast but did the direct route from Cushatrower up to Ballinaboy and there it really wore me down. It's not that your muscles hurt or you don't have any power in them, it's just that it want work anymore.

The whole situation pissed me off. When I was at this end I gave up and rested, helped myself with some dates. You can't change circumstances. I wasn't up for cycling anymore, not now not the next days, never – I was just thinking about quitting the tour and come back home. Having a home is such a good memory. Curiously I wouldn't have taken a lift if one of the cars who rarely passed me would have offered. I knew I would be able to do it on my own, so it wasn't about power. But I was frustrated, so down, so much ways away from any meaning. So also in quitting there was no hope.

Cycling the R 341 next to the Mannin Bay there the storm topped his intensity, now there was so much wind one could have probably stand within it on the bike. At this time I once again counted the half kilometres – this was also the way I did the last five kilometres up to Ballinaboy. After 100 kilometres I finally arrived at Melanie's place, where it was lovely and warm, but it wasn't much verve left inside of me. I was glad not to be outside anymore, but that it was all. I didn't feel to be an interesting valuable person. No faith anymore. Melanie however was lovely. Such a warm welcome, just like coming to a place where you don't have to think about your acting and surely the right place for me. The most comfortable place for being so down.

Limerick

Tuesday, 6th of September. This whole place Tarbert seems to go south. Lots of shops are closed but don't say anything about this fact. They look just like normal shops from outside. Most traffic comes from the crossing vehicles which are only passing through. I was still looking for an internet connection – no chance in this village, although there had been an internet café some time before (even some of the locals didn't know it was closed). The friendly woman in the pharmacy gave me the advise to go to Glin, because there in the library would be a internet computer for free, so I started to cycle six kilometres in the direction of Limerick – and what nice people I found there! This library is just lovely. A small old stone built house, and inside mainly just one open room, some books and games (probably less books as we have at our home, and definitely less games…) and two nice computers. The friendly librarian was so broad-minded to my needs and so interested in my touring and blogging, it was such a nice and warm atmosphere and it was fun to talk a while. Many thanks!

Meanwhile Kate and Dave had send their address data. When the library closed at 2 P.M. I started speed cycling up to Limerick – I had an average of 24,3 km/h from the moment I started cycling this day until I reached Limerick (nearly 60 kilometres). During the cycling I wondered why I felt so very warm, and then I realized the sun had shown up again! This day was still a mixture of clouds, rain and sun, but it's so exhilarant when its clear, warm and bright. And I even had following wind from time to time.

I arrived early at Kate's and Dave's home. Kate was doing her home made felt clothes and accessory. She is a freelancer and all around the house you can see lots of different pieces in varied designs. While she went on working, Dave showed me around the town – Limerick by night. As a real cyclist I tried to turn on my light, as we left the house… (whithout having a bycicle between my legs, I bent forward to activate the dynamo —does anyone remember The third policeman by Flan O'Brian?)

Dave knows a lot about history stuff, but for me the contemporary image of this town was much more interesting. I wasn't so sure about if it would be worth it to come to this place. Some people said it's uninteresting, others (non locals) liked it. The reputation of this town isn't so good (mainly caused by some trouble in the 80's). Now I'm glad about deciding to come to Limerick, because it's not so typical (or what I would call typical from my previous experience). Its character seems to be much more used and industrial. And inside of this some very old churches and castles…

Dave and I ended up in a nice pub (their local), where to my big surprise he ordered a German wheat beer. He definitely has to come to Bamberg and taste all our local wheat beers, which are so much better then all these industrial beers from the big companies. I went on trying new brands of stout. We had some good talk about profession, contentedness, self-fulfillment and the need for sabbaticals. We found some parallels between our relationships in the fact that one can give the other one the freedom to be creative without financial bounds. My head and my heart are still mulling over what I like or want to do or to be or don't like or want to do or to be… Moments of insight and scruple take turns.

I also spend one day resting. Doing some improvements on the bike, install the new light and so on. Because of some troubles with the electricity a very nice electrician was in Kate's and Dave's house who gave me some useful material to make the grips softer. All at all just nice and relaxing. Nevertheless it was once again 4 A.M. when I ended writing and working on the computer…

Staying on the boat

Thursday, 1st of September. Now I'm on the boat with Marek and Anne. Just the right place to be. I stay here for three nights.

Yesterday Anne, Marek, Cecilia (a German artist friend of them) and I visited their friend James to see a documentary about David Hockney, whom I knew before, but didn't deal with and didn't like from seeing his earlier work. But this documentary was just great and now I admire this artist. Awesome colours. And the way how Hockney is talking about his art is meaningful to me.

“Sanne is also a real artist, an illustrator”, so Anne introduced me to David. I don't like this being an artist attitude. To me being an artist sounds like an excuse for being selfish or self-involved, arrogant, incomprehensible to normal people, but thereby accepted as something special. To me art doesn't work this way – but maybe I'm not talking about art. I don't mean art as a judgement, but art as a term for creative stuff like music, too. To me art is about having insight. I'm using art to express myself, to share who I am and how I see. I don't want to explain anything (maybe except technique) or enunciating a meaning or talking about the important contribution for contemporary art (I also don't like art market). It's just me. So actually it's not about art or me being an artist, it's about being myself, feeling myself, feeling freedom.

For the last years it felt to me that when friends who used to see me as an artist, didn't seem to see me, it felt much more like a scheme they put me into, although I am sure, they meant this as an esteem. To me it meant being forced to a standard or an approach, whom to comply with I didn't feel able. Now I don't care about what anybody says, as long I can do my drawings (but I have to admit it feels good that people like my stuff).

  

Tonight (after having a wonderful little boat trip to the harbour where I saw a seal) I had an intensive talk with Marek about my live story and why I am on this journey, with many side trips to related topics like sexuality, relationship, honesty, changes in education systems all over Europe, (no longer so) new social movements, thinking and acting, humanism, constructivism, so called reality, needs and bounds, depression, doing meaningful things and staying in the present. I like Marek very much. I hope to stay in touch and to get to know him much closer. He's deep, honest and very dear. Anne is just like the sunshine. I thank them for giving me all this freedom and let me stay here in this unique atmosphere within this small world on its own. Wish you all the best to make the boat able to go back to the sea. I admire your work.

Having a time out in Margate

Wednesday, 13th of August. Long sleeping. Allan was gone and would come home not so early. As he had some appointments this day I had the day for my own. A break and some strange feelings inside. I was pretty nervous during forenoon, out of centre, confused, tense. Close to cry and come apart at the seams. Did not really new what this implied or why it was happening. I decided to stay in the flat for once – I was not really interested in outside experiences or new impressions at all. But I wasn't really sure what would be the (so called) right thing to do. It was so hard to relax, to calm down, just to be. And I wasn't sure if this was a good sign (because I was realizing something I normally don't notice) or if it would have been better to go outside and be able to come over this feelings. I cried somewhat, just to let go. Then I felt better.

Some thoughts about the reason why I'm doing this. I had some good talks with some of my hosts (or friends of hosts) who were able to see behind the adventure part of my journey and therefore could see some parallels to their own life and desires. I met also a middle aged woman in North Rhine-Westphalia who asked with a mixture of incomprehension or lack of understanding and curiosity:"Und wozu dat janze?!" And asking for a goal is totally the wrong approach. I wanted to stay on my own. I wanted lo leave my usual life context. I even don't want to have an "usual life context" (will be continued).

I went to the library and got a internet computer guest account for one hour, then an extra hour and then an extra half hour – and all for free. My Ireland plans start to take shape – I think I will cycle the coast clockwise and end up in Dublin and then probably crossing the country up to ferry harbour close to Cork, all in all around 1.500 kilometres. No strict plan but a mental image. I have gotten some nice replies to my saying hello to the Irish world – hi there, I will come to Ireland and stay for about a month. If you would like to get to know me, I will come to your place. Please answer so that I can plan my route.

Then I took a walk along the coast. Here in Margate they have one of these small amusement parks which are popular at the English coast. To me this looks somehow strange – but no so weird as all these casinos with lots of slot machines and other vending machines and robots, I only knew from Terminator 2 or Tron. German amusement halls have a totally different character, and you have to be at least 18 years old to enter.

I had a great sundown sitting on a wall in front of Allans house and also doing some Tai chi. A special moment. I was really thrilled

When Allan came back, we visited a pub were live music is played and we came for this special band Allan is friend with. The Zen Bicycle Band, playing a "free form flowing stream of connectivity between three players". To me it sounded jazzy – and very, very good. Eventually the right moment to do some also jazzy sketches. Allan and I had an intensive talk about our understanding of friendship, and I also did some drawings, which were signed by the musicians – the liked my work.

  

From Wartmannsroth up to Schlüchtern – and up to Gießen by train …

Tuesday, 2th of August. After Uwe and I have had some breakfast he offered me his computer for writing my blog and check messages – and therefore suddenly it was 2 o'clock P.M., when I left Wartmannsroth in Lower Franconia, Bavaria. (Trying to avoid this “suddenly time has gone”-thing is the reason, why it took some time till I went on with my blog. My apologize. In punishment of that I now have to write with a French keyboard…)

The weather wasn't just good – it was hot! From Wartmannsroth my way led me straight up to Völkersleier, a small village which is build on an inclined plane with probably a 45 degree angle – unable to cycle with all my luggage and very hard to push the bike, but no problem at all as I was fresh and unspent. And the day went on like this, as I cycled the Rhön Mountains area. I had some amazing downhill drive where I was able (and that means it was a calculable risk) to reach maximum speed over 60 km/h, but also some heavy uphill grades. But it was fun, and as I am cycling for the cycling (and also for the adventure) everything is just okay – come what may.

Next thing that came was a flat tyre. If your boyfriend says to you, you don't need a spare tyre on your tour, don't believe him like I did! The hole in my bicycle tube was a cleft, not easy to repair but I managed. But unexpected I was not able to inflate the tube. While I was still trying first a car stopped to offer some help, then two mountain bikers, who were also not able to inflate while using their own air pump, and at least a couple on a tandem-like bicycle (recumbent bike ahead and normal bike behind) and they fortunately had a air pump which worked. Many thanks to Britta and Wolfgang! – And also thanks for the nice conversation… Hope you are alright at your trip through Germany.

All things considered the mishap took me one hour and with all my hill caused slowness now it was close to evening. I decided to change to train, but in Stirbfritz (what a great name!) I would have had to wait for a long time, so I went on – pushing my bike on a high-angle road (7 or 8 degree the sign said), where I had to stop every five minutes gasping for breath. It was so exhausting I felt nausea. I was glad that the situation didn't depressed me but I had a bad conscience because of my couchsurfing host for this night. I want to be a better couchsurfer than I was able by this time. But I had called her and she was insightfully.

By and by I reached Schlüchtern (Hesse, Germany). The Schlüchtern people built the railway station outside the small town on top of a hill. And they build only stairs to reach the platforms. Once again, while seeing me, people offered help and while realizing the weight they didn't want to lower one's guard. (So I assume. It was really much weight.)

In the train I met another cyclist who was training for the Alpenmarathon. After a better change in Hanau I reached Gießen, where Susanne, my host for this night, picked me up at 9:30 P.M. and we went by car to her home in Hüttenstadt. I was her first chouchsurfer, but she had surfed several times during her trip to USA, she just had come back the night before and still felt the jet lag.

She welcomed me with a delicious chanterelle strudel and as I told her about the background of my journey, we had a good private talk about how to live, how to work and how to love, and the compromises we were willing or not willing to accept. For both of us our touring was about learning to be able to come in touch with own requirements and having the distance for getting new perspectives. All this felt so good. Thank you, Susanne for some time to bethink.

I cycled 42 kilometres that day. For some reason that's not that bad, I think …