Yesterday Anne, Marek, Cecilia (a German artist friend of them) and I visited their friend James to see a documentary about David Hockney, whom I knew before, but didn't deal with and didn't like from seeing his earlier work. But this documentary was just great and now I admire this artist. Awesome colours. And the way how Hockney is talking about his art is meaningful to me.
“Sanne is also a real artist, an illustrator”, so Anne introduced me to David. I don't like this being an artist attitude. To me being an artist sounds like an excuse for being selfish or self-involved, arrogant, incomprehensible to normal people, but thereby accepted as something special. To me art doesn't work this way – but maybe I'm not talking about art. I don't mean art as a judgement, but art as a term for creative stuff like music, too. To me art is about having insight. I'm using art to express myself, to share who I am and how I see. I don't want to explain anything (maybe except technique) or enunciating a meaning or talking about the important contribution for contemporary art (I also don't like art market). It's just me. So actually it's not about art or me being an artist, it's about being myself, feeling myself, feeling freedom.
For the last years it felt to me that when friends who used to see me as an artist, didn't seem to see me, it felt much more like a scheme they put me into, although I am sure, they meant this as an esteem. To me it meant being forced to a standard or an approach, whom to comply with I didn't feel able. Now I don't care about what anybody says, as long I can do my drawings (but I have to admit it feels good that people like my stuff).
Tonight (after having a wonderful little boat trip to the harbour where I saw a seal) I had an intensive talk with Marek about my live story and why I am on this journey, with many side trips to related topics like sexuality, relationship, honesty, changes in education systems all over Europe, (no longer so) new social movements, thinking and acting, humanism, constructivism, so called reality, needs and bounds, depression, doing meaningful things and staying in the present. I like Marek very much. I hope to stay in touch and to get to know him much closer. He's deep, honest and very dear. Anne is just like the sunshine. I thank them for giving me all this freedom and let me stay here in this unique atmosphere within this small world on its own. Wish you all the best to make the boat able to go back to the sea. I admire your work.
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