Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Leaving Ireland

Thursday, 22th of September. I left Patti and Mark in the morning to cycle the 75 kilometres back to the ferry the same way I had come to some weeks before. Interesting to see how different my feelings were now, nothing left of seeing everything as new and amazing, everything was just usual, banal and a little boring – nevertheless nice. For the first time for weeks no clouds all the time, it became a really sunny day, and when there were clouds, it was far away from raining.

The crying came over me from time to time and culminated in the sentence: One's worthless if one's not working. I didn't know how deep my father's inferiority complexis working inside of me. I think I understand the mechanism, but I can't change my feelings, so it's still something to work on. For now I think it's just good to have some insight. Nevertheless it was just awareness, pure feeling. I didn't felt bad at all. Mainly I was still glad to come back home, and also full of faith, curious what will happen, how I will go on. And generally I'm really optimistic and think I'm on a good way.

Also at the ferry harbour it was really nice, the whole procedure was very relaxed – and then the ferry… The Oscar Wilde is not only a really big ship, but it's a real ship, that means as the most important fact for me one with a sun deck! For the first hour I milled around, looking for all the new things, seeing how things work… It was just amazing. As Melanie had told my I set up camp in my reserved seats room and put my sleeping mat and bag to the floor, as some others did, too. I felt so new, so refreshed – in this sense I'm pretty green, but it's great if you can be thrilled by a passage and all the things what are connected.

For the first time since I'm on tour my t-shirt with the free hugs print at both sides really worked! When I was walking around I heard some people talking about it, and when I met them later (something had fallen off my pocket down the stairs and one of them kept it and gave it back to me) I offered directly a hug, and he was glad – I think it was his first time – and made an “Oooh”-sound when being hugged. Later when I once again did my tour on the ferry an older man (he's 65 I had learned) asked me: “Is this true?”, referring to my shirt, so we had a really warm long hug, and I also hugged his wife, sitting next to him, who said while hugging: “Oh, I miss my daughter so bad!” Then they invited me for a glass of wine (and more glasses later…), and we spent the whole night together. Barbara had been a nun when she was very young, following the will of her parents when she was sixteen, but two years later she felt in love with a priest, so she quit, but the priest didn't. Later when meeting her husband Michael she became mother of four children. They invited me to come to their home in Cork and also to sleep in their cabin – so nice, so friendly and also a little bit drunk… During our conversation once a man came to me from the back and while saying: “I can't resist…!” he hugged me from the back, and than I answered his hug from the front, too. I also had a funny little moment, when I had eye contact with a retired man who obviously had read my shirt, so I gave him a smile and he answered very polite: “No, I don't want to…”

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